Home Forums What’s in a Maiden Name? Future husband wants me to take his name, but I'm not thrilled…

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  • Ruby Forsythe
    Participant
    Post count: 2

    Hello all,

    My husband and I are currently contemplating marriage, which brought up the question about changing my last name to match his. I know that it’s important to him as a sense of commitment, but I’m not too thrilled about losing my current last name. I feel like it’s my identity, and I’m hesitant to give that up. Does anyone have any suggestions on what we could do? So far, there’s only been a brief conversation about it, so with some more ideas I’d bring up the topic to him again. Thanks for your help!

  • Heather Wong
    Participant
    Post count: 1

    I don’t think changing your name or not has anything to do with commitment or love. It’s more about your identity. I know I would be hesitant too. I would wait to get some more advice, but when you talk to him, definitely be honest and tell him exactly what you said in your post. If he knows how you’re feeling, you’ll be able to find a solution that works for both of you.

  • Kristen Castellanos
    Participant
    Post count: 1

    My perspective husband was very upset that I would not change my name. He also felt not taking his name was a sign of not being committed to the marriage. I wasn’t willing to change my name, which he understood to an extent. We still ended up getting married, and I was able to keep my last name. He wasn’t thrilled that I wasn’t willing to give up my name but could understand why I wouldn’t want to. In my opinion, if you’re husband is 100% set on you taking his name, he might not be the best candidate for marriage.

    P.S. We’re divorced, he was right đŸ˜›

  • Geoffrey Cumming
    Participant
    Post count: 1

    When my fiance and I discussed last names, she said she would not change her name to mine. She feels very strongly about her ethnic background (Czech) and felt taking my name would hide her ethnic identity. I agreed with her, and we’re happily married with our own last names.

    I would also have to agree with Kristen. Marriage is definitely about working together, and I would consider him not being understanding of your position as a red flag.

  • Ruby Forsythe
    Participant
    Post count: 2

    Thanks for the advice everyone. I think Heather captured my feelings well. My identity definitely matters to me, and I’ll make sure to tell him what I’m thinking when we talk.

    Kristen, I’m glad you were able to keep your name at least! I don’t know how strong my husband’s stance is on having me take his name, but I do know that he cares. Both you and Geoffrey have points saying that he might not be the best choice if he’s already not willing to compromise. We’ll see how things go when we talk, thanks everyone!

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